STARTS with GOODBYE
by berryfuls
Summary: She smiled a little when she said, “I’m okay.” But it would have been obvious she was lying to an amateur. Prior/during/post Sacrifice ONESHOT! Rating because I felt like it.


**A/N: I got the idea for this while listening to my iTunes library. I was reading Gallagher Girls fanfiction this morning and one was of Should've Said No by Taylor Swift. I like listening to the song with reading the songfic, mostly because it gives the full effect. So anyway, after I finished, I just let it play down to this. This song came on and after it, I was like, ohmigawd thats sooooo Gillian! I'm just a LtM addict like that. Seriously, I go around listening to songs and trying to place the LtM theme in it. XD So I started writing and... this happened. Not my best work, I'll admit, but it is my first songfic and I think it turned out... okay. I watched the scene at the end of Sacrifice like five times just to get the feel of it... And the picture is really there! You can see it right before Lightman comes in if you pause. **

**Please read this with an open mind if you're super Callian. I am too, but I keep writing these sad, suffering oneshots about Gill/Alec. There's a bit for you guys ;) I'm just not good at fluff. It always ends up embarrassing and not at all AWWW like it should be.**

**I'm rambling. Just read. And enjoy!**

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**STARTS with GOODBYE**

Gillian sat in the backyard of the house she supposedly shared with Alec. But almost every morning lately, she had woken up to find herself alone in the whole house. She had always been able to push back the tears, but the other day, Cal had seen Alec kissing _her_. The one she tried to pass off as "just a friend."

_I was sitting on my door step. I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hands. But I knew I had to do it, and he wouldn't understand._

She pulled out her cell phone with shaking fingers. Alec's number glowed dimly on the screen as she tapped the numbers.

"Hey, Gill, sorry I wasn't there this morning. Got called in early." He sounded unusually perky for someone who had had to get up early on a Saturday to go to work.

"It's over," she whispered, just loud enough for the receiver to pick up the quivering words.

"What's over, Gill?"

"Us, Alec. You're never home anymore and I can't be married to someone I never see. I love you, but I can't stay with you."

"Gill, if there's something you're trying to say, just say it."

She shook her head and flipped her phone shut again. "I am saying it."

(A WEEK LATER)

_So hard to see myself without him. I felt a piece of my heart break. But when you're standing at across the road, there's a choice you've got to make._

She had tried so hard that day to stay focused, but people kept calling about the divorce. First Alec, then the moving guys. She hadn't told Cal. _Yet, _she amended as her best friend opened the door to her office.

"Hey," he said. He looked kind of awkward just standing there.

She replied with a simple "Hey," but knew better not to expect a full-out interrogation from Cal.

"How you doing, you alright?"

She smiled a little when she said, "I'm okay." But it would have been obvious she was lying to an amateur. He walked forward a few steps in her small office and put his hand on her shoulder.

"You want to talk about it, luv?" He could always see right through her, usually without even trying. At least he was pretending he hadn't already guessed which oddly comforted her.

_I guess I'm going to hurt. I guess I'm going to have to cry. And let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side. I guess its going to break me down. Like falling when you try to fly. Sad by sometimes moving on with the rest of your life…_

She looked away, but then stood up. Cal looked at her expectantly. "Alec and I are separating. I'm-I'm moving out."

…_Starts with goodbye._

He smiled out of sympathy. "I'm sorry." She nodded, but then looked at him with helpless sadness. A sudden urge to move struck her. She stepped around to where she was half-sitting on her desk while also facing Cal.

"You know, I can't even picture it, being on my own."

"Yeah, it's been a long time." He looked like he wanted to hug her, but knew he definitely shouldn't. Instead, he just put his hand on her forearm comfortingly. She smiled a bit.

Unfortunately, he couldn't stay and keep her feeling so protected and untouchable forever. She had to go and find a hotel to stay in for a while and he had to go see Torres in the hospital, to kind of apologize to her.

She swallowed uncomfortably but started packing up for the night, anyway. Computer got turned off; purse got picked up off the desk. Stuck, she looked at the picture on her desk. She looked so happy next to him. To... Alec Foster.

Not entirely sure how it ended up in her hand, Gillian stared down at it. A rebellious tear managed to break out, and slipped down her face. This was going to be hard.

_I know there's a blue horizon, somewhere up ahead just waiting for me. But getting there means leaving things behind. Sometimes life's so bittersweet._

But she could manage. She would have to. Cal would help – when he divorced Zoe, she had helped him, even though she had never been in their place. Now she understood why some days he never left the office. There had been days he hadn't changed his shirt!

Carefully, she pulled the picture out of the frame and placed it in the bottom drawer of the filling cabinet. She locked stuff away in that drawer, stuff she usually never wants to see again but also doesn't want to throw away.

_I guess I'm going to have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry. And let go of some things I've loved, to get to the other side. I guess it's going to break me down like falling when you try to fly. Moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye._

Feeling a little bit better, she clocked out and made her way down to her car. It was alone, from what she could see, but that was all the better. More tears had found the way out and occasionally a sob would rack her tiny frame.

She wasn't as scarred as those crybabies on drama shows, because those actresses hadn't been drifting apart for weeks now. But no matter how far apart they were, she had loved him, and, if she was honest with herself, she still did. She still saw flickers of the charming, romantic guy that she had dated so long ago. The fiancé that had given her red roses on Valentine's Day. The only man who could say that he had had Gillian as his bride.

_Time heals the wounds that you feel. Somehow, right now…_

Maybe in a couple months, she'd start dating again. A faint blush colored her cheeks when immediately Cal's face appeared in her head when she thought that. _How embarrassing! Crushing on your boss, Gill? _She fumed at herself. Although… Cal had been her best guy friend ever since they had started the Lightman Group together. And the years hadn't been mean to them.

She realized she was just sitting in the car, staring into space in the steering wheel. The car started up and she drove away from the firm. She'd be back the next day, and the next, until retirement.

A song came on the radio. It was country, not really her favorite, but still, the song was good. She was utterly and completely in that position. There was no denying it.

_I guess I'm going to have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry. And let go of some things I've loved, to get to the other side. I guess it's going to break me down like falling when you try to fly. Moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye._

Stopped at a red light and choking back more sobs, she just listened to the lyrics. When it was over, the DJ said it was by Carrie Underwood, and the song was Starts with Goodbye. She'd have to sync that song to her MP3 player later.

_I guess I'm going to have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry. And let go of some things I've loved, to get to the other side. I guess it's going to break me down like falling when you try to fly. Moving on with the rest of your life…_

She knew then she had done the right thing. To move on with the rest of her life, she would have to…

_Starts with goodbye..._

Start with a final and true goodbye to the man she was married to.

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**Yeah, bite me. If you don't, you can have a Ryan Seacrest. :) Reviews feed meh muse!**


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